What the Hell Am I Doing?: A Being A Wordsmith Update

3 min read

I used to share lots of personal triumphs and challenges on the blog, but I have not done that in quite some time. Why? Because I have just been “going through the motions”. I have been on auto-pilot. I am always tired and that leads to unhealthy eating, lack of motivation, and lazy acts or should I say non-acts. What the hell am I doing? I am existing instead of living.

I published my first novel, Acting On Her Behalf in October 2013. It’s the reason that I began this blog. Once I accomplished that feat (16 years in the making), I realized that I could do it again. But I still have not. Why? Fear. Everyday Life. Laziness. 100 Other Excuses. Writing is my passion. I believe it is my calling. Writers write. That’s what they do. So why am I not fulfilling my destiny? Fear. Everyday Life. Laziness. 100 Other Excuses.

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I am a big fan of Joel Osteen and I use his mobile app every day to read Today’s Word. Each day, I find strength in what it says. It relays that God has so much in store for me. He is the God of more than enough. He has ordained my steps. I should resist fear because my story ends in victory. That’s what His Word says.

“Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it…” Psalm 81:10

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” Jeremiah 29:11

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I am my biggest critic. So is Hubby, but he is also my biggest motivator. He sees things in me that no one else does. Not even I sometimes. He urges me to stop settling for less than I am worth. So why am I? Fear. Everyday Life. Laziness. 100 Other Excuses.

The Deuce just turned 9 years old and he is thriving. He recently finished the Third Grade with 4 As and a B. He is enjoying summer camp and all the activities it has to offer. I am so proud of him. I see all kinds of talent (including writing) and potential in that little body with a big head. LOL. In just a few months, he will begin Fourth Grade at a new school. That comes with a whole new schedule. EARLIER. And a new curriculum. MORE HOMEWORK. How can I expect him to adapt to a new way of doing things if I am not on top of my game? I can’t. I have to lead by example.

I don’t want to just dream the dream. I want to live the dream.

I must do more. I must resist fear. I must step out on faith. I must stop making excuses. I must get out of my own way.

I want to live rather than just exist.

See ya later,

Kimberly