Learning to Live in a World Without Momma

On Monday, November 11, 2019, my beautiful mother passed away and my life changed forever. She was 67 years old. I almost missed spending her last days with her because I hoped her illness would subside in time for my Thanksgiving arrival in Louisiana. I listened to my head instead of my heart and flew to Baton Rouge to be by Momma’s side in the hospital. When I landed at the BR airport, my aunt told me that Momma had just been transferred to a hospice facility. Hospice. An odd calm feeling came over me. The news was devastating but somehow not entirely shocking. I subconsciously knew when I traveled from Kansas that morning that I was going to say goodbye to Momma.

Her homegoing celebration was incredible. My sister and I planned it with the assistance of some wonderful supportive friends, church congregants, and family members. It was held at my mother’s beloved church where she actively served with the Baby Dedication Ministry, Bereavement Ministry, financial planning courses, and administrative office. I found a strength that I didn’t know I had to organize tasks for Momma’s funeral services. Daddy, who had been married to her for 47 years, has always been Superman to me. But his Lois Lane was now gone. I hurt for him.

I hurt for my soon-to-be 89-year-old grandmother who had lost her firstborn. I hurt for Momma’s two sisters and brother who were very close to her. I hurt for my teenage nephew who cherished his Granny and has had several family losses including his father. I hurt for The Deuce because his Granny spoiled him rotten whenever they were together and from afar. I hurt for Hubby because she had been in his life for 30 years and was his biggest cheerleader. I hurt for my sister who got remarried while Momma was in hospice, and as we FaceTimed the ceremony for her, Momma gained enough strength to say, “Congratulations!” 

My heart is full from the love and the condolences my family and I have received. Momma was an awesome woman and touched many lives. An accomplished retired realtor of almost 30 years, wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, Godmother, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, and friend. My best friend. I’m not quite sure how to live in this world without my Momma. Not only do I resemble her physically but many of my interests were hers: watching television, reading novels, cooking, assembling jigsaw puzzles, dishing up celebrity gossip, and more. Virgos, firstborns, and night owls. Tons of things in common. I miss her so much.

My final promises to her were to do better, take care of her family, and to celebrate her life. This new normal for me is difficult. It doesn’t seem real. But I am determined to continue to make Momma proud. Milestones, holidays, and life events will prompt me to pick up the phone and call her. I will shed many tears. However, I have mustard seed faith and I know that Momma will always be with me. Thank you, God, for sharing her with all of us.

Take care,

Kimberly